Ya, the Snow and Ice Is Coming
Surviving the Great Storm
Dear Family and friends,
According to the latest news, we are in the calm between storms. But outside our home the wind whips through the trees and the skies threaten to unleash torrential rain. Later tonight we will be subjected to unimagined conditions of freezing rain and snow, fatal to man and beast within minutes.
Our animals are showing signs of anxiety, pacing the main room and wondering how we’ll survive the storm. They can sense our anxiety, too, as we await the worst that Mother Nature has ever sent Wisconsin.
I suspect schools will close across our great state, as will many businesses and even places of worship. Thank God the liquor stores will remain open to supply us with brandy to keep my fellow Wisconsinites warm - if we dare venture out.
I took no comfort from the radio last night when it began playing the song, “I Eat Cannibals.” A portent of our doom? Will DoorDash be unable to bring us chicken tenders from Kwik Trip in time to save us from starvation in this winter storm?
Governor Tony Evers has already declared Wisconsin to be in a state of emergency, something Republicans have claimed ever since his election.
“Make sure you get stocked up on what you need, prepare for potential power outages, and have access to weather information from a trusted source,” Evers said.
Last night I stocked up on provisions at the local Aldi. However, I forgot the quarter for the shopping cart and I also forgot to bring a bag. I could only acquire the provisions I could carry: beer bread mix, beer of course, some cheese bread. I pray that it will be enough to carry us through the coming storm.
I took a quick inventory at home: some brandy, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin if we get desperate… I’m out of whisky. How could I be out of whisky? The horror, the horror.
Our greatest fear, of course, is that the internet may go out and we may be forced to talk to each other. Pray for us that we may avoid such unendurable agony.
I look outside now and I see the tree branches swaying, waving as if to warn us to flee to warmer climes before it’s too late. But wherever we would go, we would still have to return to the horrific aftermath of the Great Storm of 2026: the roofing contractors going door to door selling repairs to our shingles that will likely be covered by our insurance. All we need to do is let them conduct a free inspection.
But I must put such terrors out of my mind for now. Instead, I must concentrate on the present danger. Do I have enough coffee?
James Wigderson
Waukesha, WI
James Wigderson is a writer living in Waukesha, Wisconsin. He is the former editor/owner of RightWisconsin and a former columnist for The Waukesha Freeman. Once described as “the spokesman for the state’s far right,” by the Capital Times, Wigderson is now a critic of the new Republican Party under President Donald Trump.
The free roofing inspection people came to your house too? Even before the offered inspection, I was told I would get a free roof and it would be paid for my insurance. I asked the guy whether he has read my insurance policy. He said all are the same. I laughed and said the conversation was over.